Heaven Works Backwards

Though this moment is altogether less than perfect-
though this time is broken,
we have determined to make the better of it
but we have not altogether discarded

our intermittent yearning
for the yet-to-come
light which promises to raze
the gauzy veil perpetual-
for the rush and clarity
of an ice cold wave of future bliss
to bear down on our blurry senses.

All yearnings and all waitings
are one motion
in one direction-
all pining and all wantings
are one future gravity.

the small yearnings
the small waits:
this present past will be illuminated
by an embrace long anticipated

& the long-con, the long wait
(the only one we know)

the droll, dull, plodding
of this series
of pasts and repasts
will color backwards
each bleak day

the warmth of true red
the sweet notes of genuine violet
the glow of undimmed gold
and a blue, a whole blue

a blue beyond what my weak eyes
are for now privileged to behold-

the blue of the peace
of never again seeing a blue
that only gives our wish for blue
a whet.

So how about that fear and doubt?

So how about that fear and doubt that suddenly disturbs when the emotions experienced are not the emotions expected? There goes the litmus test I had lined up- there goes my hard earned systematic wisdom. Amidst that fear and doubt, is there still a poetry of confidence?

Wait, I already know. We are most beautiful and honest (and what else does poetry require?) when we let go of the confusion and control and fall helpless into the hands of Him who made the sun. Designed to spend a lifetime learning and growing, we are not designed to simply know right now.

So how about that fear and doubt that cripple when we built a fortress on the fragile stilts of our own power, our own plans, our power to control? f

#NYE So Long 2012, You’ve Actually Been Rather Helpful

So long 2012. You’ve been an awful year at first glance, but then again I’ve learned so much this year. I’ve learned about perseverance, about the importance of Christian fellowship, more about the importance of The Fellowship (of the Ring, duh), and the history of Iceland, Norse mythology, and Vikings. I’ve learned how to handle big set backs and feeling directionless. My belief that Will Ferrel is never going to stop being hilarious has been reinforced. I’ve gotten better at understanding my family and trusting my friends. I’ve learned that a good roommate is better than living alone.

Throwing that nasty ring out, cause that's how I do.

Throwing that nasty ring out, cause that’s how I do.

I’ve read so many great books and magazines and articles as well as so many entertaining imaginary texts from imaginary friends when I’m feeling awkward in public. I’ve learned that there are actually some good things about no longer being in college. I’ve gotten better at hanging pictures on the wall. My cooking skills have improved; I’ve added a mixed berry pie and innumerable variations on tofu to my repertoire. I learned about James Bond’s childhood, the fiscal cliff, Schrödinger’s cat, iphonography, and picked up some key geological terms.

While dabbling in gardening, I learned how hard it was. While dabbling in banjo, I learned that I am much better at reading a book and remembering everything in it than learning any skill that requires daily repetition. I have learned that this shortcoming is a big roadblock in exercising, getting better at the violin, being a successful blogger, and keeping acne under control. I have gotten better at exercising self-control at the computer and not binging on netflix (but I reserve the right to put aside this control when a new season of Parks & Rec, Downton Abby, The Office, 30 Rock, Psych, Once Upon a Time,  or HIMYM come out….so basically I’ve only learned self control because I’ve watched everything on Netflix already.) Continue reading

Ezra Writes Harlequin Romance

This is very simple. I visit Barnes & Noble dot com. I go to the harlequin romance novels. I write down the names that most amuse me. I write new excerpts “from” these novels based solely on the name. I also make gratuitous use of key harlequin components like marriage, virgins, pregnancy, conundrum, Greek names, Italian names, Russian names, Arab royalty references.

Tempted by Her Innocent Kiss : “Brad-Doug felt confusion burning through his his huge, hairy, throbbing forehead. He knew she was innocent. But he also knew that she was tempting him. How, Brad-Doug pondered, could he know two things at one time. This had never happened to him before except for that one time when he knew he was hungry and that he was also cold.”

The Desert King’s Housekeeper Bride: Everyone knew something fishy was going one when Sheikh Leo Christakis hired a housekeeper for his yurt. There was no floor. It was all this fierce yurt dwelling royal family could do to keep the mighty dunes of the Sahara from burying their nomadic camel business. A few suspected that Christakis had bought Elaine from the passing gypsies, but no one could predict that Leo Christakis and Elaine Jones  would become the most committed monogamous lovers that the Zeed people group had ever seen. Their love continued to blossom like a desert rose…or what they thought was a rose. In reality, it was a  rosette formation of gypsum and barite with sand inclusions…. a rock. Still, Elaine thought nothing could go wrong…..until one day the hostile Wong tribe arrived…..just as she went into labor.

Lady Louisa’s Christmas Knight: “The fire crackled and the warm, sensual smell of pies baking filled the whole house. Continue reading

Intellectual Seduction Fail

“Oh hey there. I couldn’t help noticing your brain. Maybe we could get tea and do the Sunday crossword sometime,” I said as I used my index finger to slide my glasses up to the bridge of my nose while raising one eyebrow in a very poor attempt at intellectual seduction.

At least I still have platonic high five relationships.

….and the occasional brief but totally compatible romantic interlude.

I don’t know why this face didn’t do the trick. (Photo by Felipe Sanchez)

I want to hear your best pg rated pickup lines. Show me what you got….in the comment box below. Down there ↓. Now. Thank you.

Wendell Berry & My Broken Elbow

Oh online world, have you missed me? I’m gouing to assume you did, because it will make me feel better. Why do I need to be feel-bettered-up you ask? I’ll tell you. I broke my elbow. And I wasn’t even doing anything cool like defending a baby from a bear or punching Chuck Norris in the abs. This was two weeks ago. As I type, I am recovering from a surgery that put a large metal plate and six, count ’em, six screw being inserted into my elbow. It is not fun. This could have been easily developed into near endless blog fodder, but unfortunately, typing is rather painful and exhausting. I’m all tuckered out after this paragraph. That is why I will leave you’ in the capable hands of the preface of a book my brother left on the table that I picked up beccause I am so bored because I was stupid and didn’t pack reading material before surgery even though I knew I would have to stay at my parents’ house afterwards.

This is an excerpt from Wendell Berry’s essay “The Joy of Sales Resistance” in his book SEX, ECONOMY, FREEDOM and COMMUNITY.  (p. xii)  It’s delightfully sarcastic, and very thought provoking whether you agree or not. Speaking of which, please let me know what you think about this statement in the comments. I’ve been confined to bed for days now, and I’m just dying (it has felt like literally at some points, ouch)  to hear some intelligent feedback on this.

“…As we know, the new commercial education is fun for everybody.  All you have to do in order to have or to provide such an education is to pay your money (in advance) and master a few simple truths:

I.  Educated people are more valuable than other people because education is a value-adding industry.

II. Educated people are better than other people because education improves people and makes them good.

III. The purpose of education is to make people able to earn more and more money.

IV. The place where education is to be sued is called “your career.”

V. Anything that cannot be weighed, measured, or counted does not exist.

VI. The so-called humanities probably do not exist. But if they do, they are useless. But whether they exist or not, they can sometimes be made to support a career.

VII. Literacy does not involve knowing the meanings of words, or learning grammar, or reading books. Continue reading

How I Learned a Lesson from a Dead Man After the Radiator Exploded

It’s rather annoying how one never really learns important lessons when everything is going peachy, lovely, fine. It’s not until life starts to suck that you have to fall from cloud nine (not a Katy Perry reference no matter how similar the phrasing may be)  and learn how this existence thing really works.

Book The First: Getting Punched in the Face by Life

Suffice to say, I came down from cloud nine, ten, and eleven this month. Don’t believe me? Let me list ten injustices recently committed against me by the universe.

1) Got locked out of my house during record heat. My neighbor was not helpful. The locksmith charged me $300 to spend 29.6 seconds opening a simple lock. He did not tell me the price until afterwards. Shame on him. *Hissing noises*

My face after getting the bill for the evil locksmith

2) That nasty derecho knocked out my power for five days the day after I went crazy at my local organic market buying fresh produce that will not last a week in a warm refrigerator. I was stuck at my parents’ home with an overnight bag.

3) I got pulled over by the po-po for having a break light out.

4) On the way to the mechanic to get my break light fixed, my power steering just kerplunk DIED. Had to get the car towed.

5) My mom let me borrow her Mercedes while my swag wagon (that’s station wagon for all you old people) was in the shop. While driving the afformentioned Mercedes, I rear ended an Escalade. Continue reading